


Carried on the Wind

by Sereda



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Andrastian, Angst, Cullen is a good Chantry boy, Drama, Homosexuality, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Romance, Romantic Fluff, cullrian - Freeform, prayers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 11:56:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3895435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sereda/pseuds/Sereda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A selection of Cullen Stanton Rutherford's prayers to Andraste and the Maker regarding Dorian Pavus. And one from Dorian regarding Cullen. A bit of sweetness for your day if you like these two dorks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Carried on the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> A few spoilers in this (mostly vague but still there). Also the religious prayer content (in italics) comes from Bioware's various Dragon Age games so I can't take credit - and I duly thank Bioware for lending me their words. Thanks so much for reading x
> 
> Updated Oct 2017 - just a couple of tweaks ;)

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

I tried to reason with Trevelyan, to get her to meet with the Templars, but she’s headed to Redcliffe, with this… Dorian. Two glaring reasons not to trust the man: Tevinter and, yes, mage. Events at Kirkwall may have opened my eyes to the injustices done to his kind, but I still know what they're capable of. 

Please, I beg you, protect the Herald from evil.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

_Maker, my enemies are abundant._

_Many are those who rise up against me._

_But my faith sustains me; I shall not fear the legion,_ _  
_

_Should they set themselves against me._

 

The Chant tells us magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him, but of course, the Tevinter wants mages running wild. The Herald and the mage seem to have bonded beyond reason and now he’s a member of the Inquisition. Trevelyan will brook no further argument. Apparently, if she trusts him, we allshould trust him.

Please let this trust not be in vain.

 

_In the name of Andraste and the Maker._

_***_

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

I thought it prudent to stay out of Dorian's way, but there's no escaping all his _noise._  His near-constant laughter and banter reverberate all over Haven. Josephine's right: the man could cause a scene standing quietly in the centre of an empty room.

The very skies above us have been rent by an unknown power and yet he doesn’t seem to take that, or anything, seriously. I know it was rude to grab him when he left the tavern tonight but confronting him felt necessary. The future he and the Herald destroyed wasn’t the outcome the Elder One wanted so what if the plan was for Dorian to infiltrate the Inquisition and put it right?

Despite his sarcasm, I could see his disappointment. 

As commander and protector, I know it was right to question the man, but somehow it doesn’t quite  _feel_  right. Am I wrong to question him? Is this a test?

 _Blessed are they who stand before_ _  
_

_The corrupt and the wicked and do not falter._

_Blessed are the peacekeepers, the champions of the just._

 

_So be it, in your name. In the name of Andraste and the Maker._

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

I’ve tried to give the mage a wide berth, but somehow we keep crossing paths. Is this your will?

It's become apparent Dorian is rather earnest in his attempts to win over the Inquisition. However, it’s also painfully clear the residents of Haven aren’t making it easy. I witnessed the blacksmith spitting on the floor at Dorian’s feet, refusing to craft armour for ‘Tevinter scum’. I found myself intervening, but I’m not sure why I became so riled.

Dorian's response: ‘Don’t waste your breath, Commander, I don't want that man’s filthy fingers near anything I’ll wear next to my infinitely superior skin.’ made me strangely proud.

I'm beginning to believe he's a good man. 

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

*** 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

As you know, I’ve actively sought Dorian out. Maker, his laughter seems to carry on the wind. We’ve exchanged pleasantries and I’ve enquired about his adventures with the Herald. I often wonder what it’s like to fight by his side.

When he appeared in the training field today, shoulder finally covered by something more sensible, it surprised me how delighted I felt to see him. Then when he asked if we could play a game of chess sometime, I jumped at the opportunity.

The mage has clearly forgiven me and is offering peace and the beginnings of friendship. Is it wrong to accept? To want this as much as I do? I stuttered like a fool and wished for a moment I’d continued disliking the man just so I could articulate myself better. If you could help with that, I’d be grateful. No, of course not... forgive me.

_My hearth is yours, my bread is yours, my life is yours._

_For all who walk in the sight of the Maker are one._

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

 _The deep dark before dawn's first light seems eternal,_ _  
_

_But know that the sun always rises._

 

I pray for all those who’ve fallen in Haven. My heart hurts for them and their loved ones. Please receive them into your light.

Thank you for helping Dorian survive Haven’s destruction. Forgive me for feeling the relief more keenly even than I did with the Inquisitor’s return.

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

I’ve learned more about Dorian and divulged far more about myself than I intended, wittering on about my family and regaling him with embarrassing tales. I’m not sure why, but I make him laugh and that feels important.

I enjoy his hows and whys. He’s an elegant, passionate man. It’s surprising when he swears and does so filthily. Forgive me, I rather enjoy it.

Occasionally, I see sadness in his eyes, like dark clouds marring a brilliant sky. Once, Dorian alluded to his father. It was a throwaway comment, but I recognised pain. I wanted to comfort him, but from what I don’t know.

Of course, _you_ know. Please… comfort him for me. If he needs it.

Forgive my continual wittering. Talking like this with you helps me to reflect. I’m grateful to be able to play chess when so many perished in Haven…

 

_In the name of Andraste and the Maker._

***

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Every time Dorian walks through the front gates, he's exhausted, bloody, battered, but his eyes always sparkle. Today… they didn’t. And he hasn’t come down to dinner. Normally, I understand a man’s need for privacy and space, wouldn’t dream of interfering…. But I need to know he’s alright.

_In the name of Andraste and the Maker._

_***_

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this day…_

 

I suspect it was your will I go to him.

Dorian looked so heartbroken that the moment I stepped into his room, I pulled him into my arms. There I was, distinctly _not_ letting go. 

I only wish I'd had the foresight to remove my armour before storming over. I’m dubious about the comfort provided by cold and unyielding metal. Yet I didn’t let go until Dorian wanted me to. And he didn’t for a long time.

Thank you for guiding me to comfort him.

_Though all before me is shadow,_

_Yet shall the Maker be my guide._

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this day…_

What a strange and wonderful day. Dorian's turn to offer me comfort, in the midst of a gnawing headache. The way he massaged my scalp... which then became... Yes, I’ve long imagined the mage’s lips on my skin, but never thought... I even wondered if my addled brain was conjuring up a hallucination hence why I pulled the man onto my lap to check. But it truly was Dorian sitting across my knees, heavy and warm.

He tasted divine - forgive me, I mean lovely.

Of course, an excruciating pain burst through my temple to ruin the moment and I’m ashamed I pushed Dorian away. It was blessed relief when the man returned with a tonic he'd made just for me...  I'm deeply touched. 

Thank you for the kiss, and thank you for the wonderful potion. 

 

_So be it, in your name. In the name of Andraste and the Maker._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Somehow, we’ve kissed many more times and my baser instincts are urging me to ravish the man, or _be_  ravished, they really don’t care who does what. Forgive me, the feelings are intense. Thankfully, Dorian is of the same mind. But from what I’ve heard of his past experiences, they’ve been little more than frantic, snatched moments followed immediately by regret. Andraste, I don’t want that for us. He deserves the same tenderness he shows me.

I’ve fixed my roof, cleared my schedule and informed the man of my intentions. He laughingly asked if I was trying to woo him. When I replied  _yes, I suppose I am,_  he was actually speechless. Thank you for that moment.

I probably sounded more confident than I am. He makes me want to be a better man, and I want to be that, Maker, I want to be that.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

When Dorian asked me to…  _take_  him... it was everything I could do not to throw him over my desk. Yet, I stayed true to my word to make this different. We went slowly and I listened to his every murmur, every whispered request.

Andraste, he has such beautiful grey eyes… I remember linking hands as we rocked together. It was… breath-taking.

Later, he told me it was nothing like his past experiences.

Maker, I'm so grateful for that.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Dorian has a tendency towards drama and I’ve a shorter temper than I care to admit. So, when he was convinced I’d abandon him and take a wife when the war is over, I had little patience. Forgive me for not soothing him properly. I was abrupt, offended he could think that of me.

Please grant me more patience.

 

_So be it, in your name._

_***_

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

When I overheard Iron Bull’s crude flirtations with Dorian, I acted shamefully. We’ve kept our relationship private, but it bothered me that a Ben-Hassrath didn’t know enough to leave well alone. 

Forgive me for my anger.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

 _*_ _**_

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Thank you blessed Andraste for our happiness, even considering the horrors around us. We're foolish, sentimental beings. I laugh more now and have to  _remember_  to frown when I walk past sisters of the Chantry or address some of my more green recruits. I still need to appear stern and authoritative.

I’m glad to merely pretend, however. Thank you.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

_***_

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

_Let him take notice and shine upon thee, for thou has done His work on this day_

_And the stars stood still, the winds did quiet, and all animals of earth and air held their breath_

_And all was silent in prayer and thanks._

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you a thousand times for delivering Dorian to me. 

The hours I spent uncertain if I’d find his broken body in the rubble or if he was lost forever in the Fade, were… agony. But you gave me the strength to continue to command my men. I grant you our victory.

Bless the brave and righteous Warden Stroud and receive him into your light.

And thank you for bringing my mage to my tent tonight. I find myself caring little for the tears I shed. My pride has gone. When he professed his undying love for me, it felt so natural to tell him I felt the same. In a tangle of limbs and sheets, we whispered vows to one another. Vows you surely heard. I honour them. I love him.

Thank you.

 

_So be it, in your name._

_***_

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

So Dorian declared he was leaving for Tevinter.

He issued it so casually for something that crushed the breath out of my chest. Forgive me, I acknowledge his goals are admirable, but I find it hard to... No.... No. I'm fucking  _devastated_ the man I love is leaving my side. Yes, we avoided discussing the future, both a little cynical about our ability to survive what’s coming, but we LOVE each other. Surely that means something? I need him. Shit... I really do.

Of course, I tried to convince him to let me join him at least. After all, don't great revolutions require something of a team effort? But the blighted man simply sighed and said it would take great cunning _and time_ to chip away at the status quo, rather than a big revolt. Naturally, I was offended, believing he was saying I wasn’t sharp enough. I pointedly reminded him I’ve beaten him at chess consistently _and_  commanded an army. I may have belaboured my point. Dorian accused me of not being able to control my temper.

Is this your will? Does he have to leave me? Please, Andraste, I can’t lose him.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

Look, I know I’m being childish. I can see the hurt in his eyes, but I can’t bear to be near him knowing he’s going to leave. Dorian is likely entering a viper’s nest, never to return. Doesn’t he know not being able to protect him hurts me more than words can say?

My headaches are getting worse again. Fuck, I know I probably deserve it.

Forgive me for being so weak.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

_***_

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Forgive me for my absence. I... My headaches are relentless and in the rare in-between moments all I've done is work. Of course, you know all this, I just… like to tell you.

Sorry... where was I? It's so hot.

I went to find Dorian to request more of his special potion to discover he’s been gone for two weeks on a mission. _Two weeks!_  How could I not know?  

I wish I could slough off my skin... my feelings... it's unbearably hot…

I... Maker _..[incoherent]_

 

 ***

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

I’ve tried so hard to be good, to resist _most_ temptations and I’m on the right side of this blighted war. So… please, please, bring Cullen back to me. I’m utterly lost without him.

I should have waited to see if we all survived first before I made new plans. _Just sort out this one immense problem first, Dorian, will you?_

The healers say he had a seizure, that his body collapsed because he wasn’t looking after himself.  _I_  wasn't looking after him. Now he's unconscious and just lying there so fucking still. 

Cullen is a good, worthy, brave man. The best man I’ve ever met. He’s worth a hundred of me. He loves you, he even loves me so he must be charitable.

I'll... give up alcohol. Yes... I'll give it up until he beats his addiction. I swear it.

I love him with everything I have. Don’t take him from me, please, I beg you.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Thank you for your mercy. Thank you for healing me and thank you a hundred times for letting me make amends with Dorian. I never thought I'd be able to tell him how sorry I was, to tell him again how much I love him. You do me great honour, an honour I don’t deserve. I shall forever be grateful. I shan’t let my petty needs get in the way of our love again.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

_***_

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

So everyone knows about us. Dorian’s sorrow and stubborn refusal to leave my side an obvious announcement of what we mean to each other. I wasn’t sure how that would be, but I admit, now that I have the freedom to grab the mage’s hand as he struts past and pull him into my arms upon every return, I enjoy it more than I ever thought possible.

I’ve learned my lesson and now no longer press him to stay. We choose instead to focus on the present and the Maker-given fortune to have found each other in the first place.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Giving up alcohol in support of my own abstinence is... I didn’t think I could love Dorian more. I told him it wasn’t necessary, that the fact he’d merely considered it was enough. But the man merely arched an eyebrow and would brook no further argument.

I hope he doesn’t regret it. Perhaps when I’m well we could raise a glass together again.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

_***_

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

_Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide._

_I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the beyond._

_For there is no darkness in the maker’s light and nothing that he has wrought shall be lost._

 

Please protect the Inquisitor and her brave crew. Please protect Dorian. Maker, guide them, help them smite Corypheus.

Have mercy on us all.

 

_So be it, in your name._

 

***

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

I bow before you, unworthy and utterly grateful for Dorian’s safe return. Thank you for giving the Inquisitor the strength and power to destroy Corypheus.

We're celebrating tomorrow. The fact that so many of us are alive and well is a testament to your will.

I fear I don’t have sufficient words to express my gratitude. I can only promise to make my life worthy of the grace you've bestowed upon it.

 

_So be it, in your name._

_***_

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Dorian seems so happy. Laughing and joking with his companions. He’s finally being recognised as the ‘good Tevinter’ and it is utterly deserved. He will be the shining example to all in his homeland.

Andraste, preserve me.

Please keep him safe on his journey.

Please give me the strength to hold back from begging him to stay.

 

 ***

 

_Maker who watches over us,_

_Andraste who died for us,_

_Hear my prayer this night…_

 

Mercy... Dorian is staying.  

‘Tevinter lacks the presence of my one true love,’ he said. And apparently, I’m the only chess partner who allows him to cheat.

With all I am and all I have, I thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

 

_So be it, in your name. In the name of Andraste and the Maker._

 

_**** End ****_

 


End file.
